Brianna Elizabeth

2009-04-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

A Lament for My Baby

I never got to hear you laugh you never saw me cry

didn't get a chance to say "Hello"you never said "Goodbye"

I didn't think that I could feel so sad, lost and forlorn.

I never knew God chose his Angels before some of them were born.

Your life was short yet special I shared it all exclusively

I felt you breathe, I felt you kick. You were alive inside of me.

Every baby is an Angel and every angel is divine

God needed one in heaven He came down and took mine

And although we are not together we're not really apart

for you'll always occupy a space deep within my heart.

Time has begun to ease my pain It's only some days now I cry.

When I wish I could have said "Hello"and heard you say "Goodbye"

~Author Unknown

2009-02-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

This Valentine is not of the ordinary kind,It’s still filled with love...and blessings inside;But mine has to be sent on the wings of love...You see its destination is the Heavens above.

It’s not being sent to my parents so dear,For they are still with me each day of the year;Its being sent to my baby...who left earth so soon,Who's now in the Heavens with the stars and the moon.

The message is the same as your valentine,"I love you...my sweet precious child of mine;My love is still deeper than the ocean is blue,And it’s sent with hugs and kisses...from me to you."

"I know you are with me each and every day,You listen as I talk to you...and hear what I say;For that is one thing that I will always do......you'll always be a part of me...and me a part of you."

I know you are in the best of care,But it's so hard for us left on earth to bear;Could you put in a request from us left behind...For God to send the knowledge, so a cure we can find."

"So that no other family has to go through this pain,Our lives without you will never be the same;When I get lonely I will look to the sky at night...And see you shining down your big bright light."

Happy Valentine’s day sunshine...I miss you so much,I know you know how many lives you have touched;You'll always be mine...I love you with all my heart,I know we be together again...and then we'll never part."

2009-01-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

A bill was introduced on 1/14/2009. H.R. 521 http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/bdquery/D?d111:1:./temp/~bdplZv:@@@L&summ2=m&/bss/111search.html This bill is “to amend the Public Health Service Act to provide for the national collection of data on stillbirth in a standardized manner, and for other purposes.”
Currently there are more than 25,000 stillbirths a year in the United States this is 10 times greater than the amounts of SIDS deaths, however research up to this point has been limited. Due to a lack of autopsy/investigation and inconsistencies in diagnosing these deaths, more than 50% of all stillbirths remain unexplained.

With standardized investigation and reporting of these deaths, researchers would be better able to determine the risk factors. H.R. 521 would both standardize the definition of stillbirth and the method in which data is collected, in order to create a national repository of stillbirth data to assist researchers in conducting comprehensive studies in to the causes of, and possible preventive strategies for, stillbirth. The bill also authorizes a public awareness campaign promoting good prenatal practices, including monitoring movements during the last trimester of pregnancy, to reduce the risk of stillbirth.

This is an extremely important bill me since I lost my daughter, Brianna Elizabeth to stillbirth on September 8, 2008. It was completely unexpected at 38 weeks after a normal pregnancy. The autopsy came back inconclusive stating that it was possibly a cord accident or a virus. This has been a devastating event in our lives. On September 3, 2008 Brianna had a heart rate of 150 and when I went to the hospital on the 6th due to not feeling her move she was gone. I now have a few pictures, foot prints and memories of the hours we got to spend with her letting her know how much we love her. No mother should come home from the hospital with a box of mementoes instead of a baby. No mother should give birth and have the hospital room be complete quiet. No family should have an empty crib awaiting a child that will never be home. I pray every day that no one will ever have to feel that pain that myself, my husband and our 6 year old son has gone through with this loss.

I will be traveling to Washington, DC to a Symposium on SIDS and Stillbirth through First Candle (www.firstcandle.org) March 23-25. The symposium will conclude with visits to Capitol Hill to encourage our nation’s lawmakers to support critical legislation and programming that will help us reach our goal of a future where all babies survive and thrive.

2009-01-02T17:42:00.000-08:00

We cannot judge a biography by it's length, we must judge it by the richness of it's contents. Sometimes the "unfinished" are among the most beautiful of symphonies. ~~Victor Frankl

2008-12-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Today was Brianna's 3 month birthday. This seemed especially difficult for me since it was also a Monday, the same day of the week that we lost Brianna. I think it is also a hard time for me with Christmas coming up. I put a Christmas tree at the cemetery. Brianna of course has the largest tree in the baby section of the cemetery. I also put a red rose on her grave and said a prayer.

2008-11-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

On November 8th Brianna's two month birthday I got a dragonfly tattoo with Brianna's name on my shoulder. I chose a dragonfly since I like the Waterbugs and Dragonflies story and it is the way I want to think of Brianna's passing.

I can't believe it has been two months. I miss her everyday and still don't understand why she had to go. At times the pain that I feel is unbearable. I was in the store today and they have Christmas decorations up already. Well I wasn't ready for how hard it is to see it all. I thought I would have my baby this Christmas. Merry Christmas sound ridiculous to me and makes me want to hide out in bed until New Years. The only thing that is going to get me through this holiday season is Matt. Thank God for a happy five year old who can't wait for Santa to come. He will be my life line.

Brianna- I love you sweet baby and miss you every day. I cherish the short time I got to spend with you. Please don't ever forget your mommy. I hold you every night in my dreams.

2008-10-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

Waterbugs and Dragonflies
by Doris Stickney

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they werevery busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in goingabout. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Evenas they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...
"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". The next oneof us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."
"We promise", they said solemnly.
One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew whatwas happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.
When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silverwings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved hiswings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!
Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad torest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurryingaround, just as he had been doing some time before.
The dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking,the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...
"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my newbody. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."
And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......

2008-10-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

Bereaved Parent's Wish List

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you as well.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing remembrances.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle her at an hour at a time.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.

2008-10-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

H.R. 5979, The Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act of 2008

Obama Introduces Preventing Stillbirth and SUID Act of 2008

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

2008-10-14T19:00:00.001-07:00

2008-10-14T18:58:00.000-07:00